Villa Tunari cont'd - My refuge, hermitage and love nest

Villa Tunari... a place of intense heat, humidity but tolerable and enjoyable thanks to its tranquility and my Bolivian boyfriend, Gustavo Olguín, who has relentlessly showed me, shared with me, all that Bolivian culture and latin american culture has to offer, whether it be music, local expressions, culinary delights, place of interests, and participate in all kinds of bolivian parties and festivities, from family BBQs, his parents' silver anniversary to Villa Tunari's anniversary and the Virgin of Urkupiña :) I have lived and experienced fully, the whole range of Bolivian lifestyle, with a local, intimately and passionately. He once commented that I want to be a Latina, and in retrospect, that was not an entirely incorrect statement, because of all the people that I have met in my travels, Latin Americans have showed me such a passionate and effervescent way to express themselves, very much humane, touchy, spontaneous, amiable and somewhat primeval, naive and guileless, manners in which I have always liked and preferred to the rather colder and distant interaction of my asian background and my north american upbringing. Yes, I fell in love with Latin America and its people, its culture, its language, its beauty, its nature, its indulgent and simplistic way of living, and of a latino man... To get a real taste of a country, one must try all its different flavours, and especially to experience the so talked about romanticism of Latinos, the world-known lovers... in the very grounds where they breed! Little do I know that I fell upon a Don Juan...!!!

BBQ at Gustavo's house

The story of Villa Tunari is that of a love story and cultural exchange :) As a proud Bolivian, Gustavo was more than happy to share his knowledge of the country and his hometown city of Quillacollo, Cochabamba, thus brought me along in all outings and celebrations. During my stay in Villa Tunari, the latino flavour breezed in from all perspectives. For those who have followed me to Carnaval de Oruro, it was thanks to Gustavo's cousin Pepe, that I was able to live such an up close and rich experience of the biggest festival in all Bolivia amongst Bolivians. And upon my return from Peru, dispirited and with a weakened health, I have decided to spend a few months to nurture my body, spirit and mind back to health, and see where my heart and head (yes they must work together!) lead me to.

Villa Tunari had almost all I needed for a quiet life, except for the suffocating heat! but blessed with a pool, I was able to tolerate and survive! I had found a nice apartment with my own kitchen, which was instrumental for my recovery as Bolivia's food is a meat-heavy and portion-heavy nation!! If one eats out everyday, although economically speaking, it is rather a bargain, one's waistline will nothing but increase and so is one's cholesterol!! I remember politely asking Gustavo's cousin, Pepe (nickname for Jose), once while they were having "pollo frito" (fried chicken) (something that since my stay in Central America where for almost a week I had nothing much to eat other than that everyday, had become a food that I abhor) and I sat watching :  "where is the leafy greens in your plate?" He answered "llahua" with a shining big smile! (pronounced "yahua" and it is the Quecha, indigenous language, word for hot pepper sauce on every restaurant table for those who like life on the spicy side)... Not to mention the exaggerated consumption of soft drinks, especially that of coca-cola with every meal and after sports practice! Unlike at home, healthy eating in Bolivia is not a concept that is practiced, it is rather unknown! I take it that it is partly due to lack of resources and education, but as well influenced by the culturally strong "Carpe Diem" practice that permeates in all aspects of life.

Gustavo enjoying Chinese Food

As far as food is concerned, after over a year abroad, I really started to miss home food! That is, Taiwanese, Thai, Italian, Middle-Eastern, Indian etc. Gustavo and I often would cook together as a team. He taught me a few Cuban & Bolivian dishes (as he had lived in Cuba for 4 yrs), and I taught him the wonderful asian flavours and spices as well as thanks to me, now he actually likes pasta! The Italian style that is :) In my constant pursuit of food, I had sought out a Taiwanese family who owned 2 "chinese" restaurants in Cochabamba. After befriending her by sharing our immigrant experiences abroad, we were graciously invited to dine "on the house", my boyfriend and I, to 6 generous dishes at their restaurant!!! Question of showing Taiwanese hospitality and wanting to share asian food with my Bolivian boyfriend, who has never been to an Asian restaurant and incessantly boasts how delicious Bolivian food is while ignoring the explosion of worldly flavours that exist in other parts of the planet to tickle his palate! My 2 cents on Bolivian food: it is alright (polite assertion), but lacks variety in terms of spices, method of preparation and a severe lack of greens! In comparison to an Asian palate and menu? It is left to be desired... I believe partly it is due to the conservative nature that permeate their culture, mind, social conducts and their resistance to change, in consequence, result in a lack of aspiration to change and a lack of innovation, which become a tremendous impediment to growth in all aspects of Bolivian life, from business to social development. Of course the city folks differ from the country folks by 360 degrees, but the fact is I have lived more in the country than in the city. Nevertheless, I did enjoy the abundance of tropical fruits by ingesting a massively juicy, finger-licking good papaya for breakfast on a daily basis and satisfied my carnivorous craving with the more exotic meat such as llama, ostrich, guinea pig, hare, boar (absolutely delicious!!!) and a variety of white water fishes of Bolivia.

Upon my return from Peru, I had arrived at a time where the little village became a town full of festivities. During the winter months of June to August, the town was full to the brim with all kinds of celebrations that kept us busy and ... sleepless :)

Mysteriositas - folkloric expression of Bolivian music and dance

June 4: Villa Tunari's anniversary

Evo Morales, President of Bolivia (2nd from the left)

A two-day celebration consisted of a day-long parade of ALL the people of Villa Tunari, or so it seems, where everyone imaginable processed passed the central plaza and overlooking from the balcony of the city hall, were Bolivia's president, Evo Morales, and the Vice-President waving graciously at the crowd. There were elementary students representing their school, college students in sports uniform, in special parade uniform, college music bands, syndicates of moto-taxi and taxi drivers, syndicates of inter-city taxi drivers, syndicates of the orange juice vendors, groups of all ages in traditional folklore dancing dress (a mini version of Carnal de Oruro), the local and nearby regions' police squad, the department's many army regiments, the cholitas representing their region's dress, etc. And in the evening, music bands were hired to entertain the countrymen with a mix of folklore country and modern latin music. The most entertaining gig was that of the four semi-aphonic cholitas named "Las Mysteriositas" (The mysterious littlle ladies) singing and dancing to Bolivian folk country music accompanied by a cholo (male version of chola) dancing rhythmically away. The night was filled with the enthusiastic high-pitched "hey hey hey!" from the cholitas in between their whining lamenting signing voice, a characteristic of that style of music. And believe it or not, the best part is not the lifting of the skirts while the girls shook their hips rhythmically from side to side, but rather the 2 hour long show of these girls singing to the SAME melody varying only in the lyric... And yes, the folks of Villa Tunari loved it. They gulped it down with beer and snacks and danced gleefully in line of pairs which grew longer as the night proceeded.

Mariachi Juarez

June 12: Santo de San Antonio: Mariachi Juarez

A two-day celebration of the Saint "San Antonio" where folklore dancers and music bands were hired, accompanied with lots of street food, fireworks and the Bolivian favorites: beer! The evening's highlight was the band of Mariachi called Mariachi Juarez! All dressed in their sexy black Mariachi costume singing romantic songs and inviting the crowd to chime in. The tight costume delineate their posterior in a very flattering way. My moment of bliss is when they turn their back on me :)

June 12: Pelea de Gallos (Cock-fights)

For the event of the festivities, the town had improvised a small cock ring in the backyard of a private house for cock fights, an illegal practice in Bolivia. Not exactly my cup of tea, but for the sake of getting to experience something new, I decided to have a peek and see how such a sport is done, prepared and gambled on. The cocks are prepared by banding a sharp metal pin to the inside of each leg, weighted as the fights are weight-based, and allowed to pick at each other's neck aggressively while its respective owners are holdig them to create animosity and on they go. The fights last a long 40 minutes! By the middle of the 2nd round I had to leave as I wasn't able to stomach the cruelty of the "sport". As suspected, the audience is about 95% men, there were but 2 women in the crowd, I included. It is also interesting to note that the lowest bid is 100$ (yes the bids are in dollars not in Bolivians pesos)! These men are all dressed in simple t-shirt and jeans, some torn and dirty like that of a mechanic...  yet shouting sums that are all above the month's minimum wage of Bolivia. It was a sight to behold.

Hot-dog & sausage eating Fest!

June 23: San Juan de Bautista

A pagan festival originated from the north of Europe (today Finland and Sweden) where folks dance around a bond-fire to celebrate the arrival of summer solstice. After the arrival of this festival to Spain, it  had been re-appropriated by the Church, christianized and brought over to Latin America during its colonial times of conquest as a date of celebration for the birth of San Juan Bautista. This celebration symbolizes purification, fertility and the abundance of what nature provides us. Modern day celebration consists of some bond-fires (although it is now forbidden), and the ingestion of sausages and hot-dogs across the nation. Not sure where the idea of the dogs come from...!

June 30: Boda de Plata (Silver anniversary)

Silver anniversary of Gustavo's parents in Quillacollo, suburb of Cochabamba. A wedding vows renewal party in which I partied with all the relatives of Gustavo's family, about 200 members  without counting the friends and guests! French style food was served, beer, cocktail drinks and liquors on ice were poured whilst being entertained by Mariachi music, folklore and Bolivian pop music. Young and old, we all danced the night away!

July 5: Lucha Libre (Wrestling. WWF of the Cholitas!)

Wrestling in Bolivia is quite a phenomenon and distinct for the presence of not only men, but women... in their traditional dress!!! I have always heard of Wrestling in La Paz of the Cholas but never had a chance to see it... until they came to Villa Tunari!! What a sight it was to watch plum, rounded coffee-coloured indigenous ladies in elegant ankle length puffy skirts throwing each other around... Definitely worth the 20Bs (Bolivianos, an equilvalent of 3$) for the show.





Aug5-6: Feria de pescados (Fish Fair)

By far the biggest drunkfest, er I mean celebration, of Villa Tunari, where people from all over the country crowd in to party with music with the pretense of eating fish!! The fair lasts 2 days and once admitted, the partygoers are presented with numerous stands of grilled & fried white-water fish and the various famous Bolivian bands illuminating the night away. Great fun it was to dance to mostly Bolivian music and to finally get to meet the so-talked about "Etiqueta Negra", "Voltaje" and "Jarana" bands of Bolivia. Thanks to my boyfriend, I have been introduced to this music for some time now and was able to appreciate and chime in with the Bolivians! I am just like any Boliviana by now :)  After the music faded, the youngsters continued the evening by parking their tuned cars with massive sound systems around the plaza and each car was surrounded by its own groupie which danced and drank. Yes... alcohol is served... at all hours. I have noticed that it is not uncommon for folks to knock on the doors of the liquor store or grocery store in the middle of the night to purchase alcohol. If the owner is profit-oriented enough, will wake up and deliver the goods to the beer-thirsty abled bodies... I've seen it done times and times over and done it myself, lol. We survived the drunkenfest unharmed however one of Gustavo's friend stranded off alone one evening and woke up the next day in the middle of the street minus shoes and cell phone...


Aug 13-16: Virgen of Urkupiña  w/ Oliver & Gus (Cochabamba)

Another drinking fest, er I mean the biggest celebration of Cochabamba where they celebrate the Virgin of Urkupiña. For this year's celebration, they brought in 25 virgins for the occasion. The virgins are brought in from different parts of Bolivia and there were also international virgins from Brazil, Paraguay, Argentina, Peru, Colombia and even Poland! For the occasion, the city of Cochabamba was also graced by the presence of the only two virgins in the world that are made of painting: the Virgin of Socavon (Oruro, Bolivia) and the most famous virgin of Latin America, the Virgin of Guadalupe from Mexico! What does this celebration consist of? It is a small version of Carnaval de Oruro where people of all age put on the different traditional dress  and parade & dance through the streets. A little less organized than Oruro and, more uncontrolled drinking involved... This is where for the first time I saw some real brawl with my own eyes!! Oh the youngsters, after ingesting much alcohol, become pompous, primeval and uncontrolled gorillas out there to conquer the world!!

At Toro Toro: Oliver, me, Gustavo

Aug 18-19: Toro Toro revisited with Gustavo & Oliver

A tribute to one of my favorite place and most serene village (Yes, more remote and serene than Villa Tunari!) of Toro Toro (see previous blog entry) with my beloved latino Gustavo and my Canadian friend Oliver who came to visit me in Bolivia! Indeed the experience proved to be more romantic with a loved one and more enjoyable with a Candian counterpart!!! :)

Gustavo playing guitar & singing in the plaza

Aside from the above-mentionned festivities, there are occasional weekend outing to the ONLY club in the village and some Karaoke outings (to my surprise very popular in Bolivia! and my Gustavo is quite a singer himself !! How can a woman resist a sexy latino singing romantic songs to her ears?!?) Other times, the youngsters (usually men) would gather in the central plaza, accompanied by the ubiquitous beer and/or some kind of hard liquor, and somehow always end up with a session of guitar and singing. One thing that does not cease to amaze me is the presence of musical talents in men, young or old!!! However, it is still very much a guy thing, I have yet to see a girl pick up a guitar and sing along with the boys. The musical presence is something I have come to appreciate in their culture. Something that brings colour and joy to the sometime monotonous life! I used to dislike romantic songs, but thanks to my Gustavo, I have come to see it from a different perspective. It grows on ya :)

My room in Villa Tunari!

As for my quiet life in the tropics when we were not partaking in the festivities...

In the evenings, as the only way to keep my room from being a steaming oven, I would keep both the window and the door wide open inviting, rather pleading, the cool air of the night to pay me a visit and to alleviate me from the suffocating heat. As I often sat on the tile floor for chillier temperature for an evening read, I am visited by all kinds of moths and night insects, odd, tiny, big, noisy, slimy, etc. of all colours. The evenings also come accompanied with "blop" sound of toads, the shrill drone of cicadas, the batting sound of the bats swooping by,  the neighbouring female cat's insistent cry in heat, however these wonderful nature sounds are drowned by the karaoke and the disco over the weekend. As a city child, fireflies are creatures of fairy tales and once upon a time stories, whereas here, they shine their secrets timidly in the soccer field in which I do my daily jog. If it wasn't for the existence of internet, it feels like Villa Tunari is a little jewel of the tropics, lost in time, with a tiny market where the sellers are mostly cholas in their traditional dress and 2 typically waist-length braids. Another aspect of the tranquility of the village can be seen by the occasional folk who would pass the night, as it is rather safe, on one of the benches located in the central plaza, whether they be homeless, itinerant workers or contractual workers who hadn't had the means or for whatever reason to rent a room for the night. I don't blame them, even envy them, as it is one of the coolest area of the city, shaded by tall palm trees and a variety of trees on all corners overlooking onto the main church and blessed by a semi-constant breeze; it is not a bad place to pass the evening IMO. However, as a lone girl, as in anywhere in Latin America, I won't be able to walk by without receiving unsolicited attention in the forms of "goods" inspection, whistling, holler, or direct approaches. I particularly got the attention of the village official drunkard, Oscar, whom has detected my jogging pattern and awaits me in the football field...

Gustavo enjoying fried "pacu"

As all beautiful things must come to an end... it came a time where I can no longer deny the need of a human's need to change, to progress, to learn new things, to advance, to have goals. I had spent enough time in Villa Tunari to get a glimpse of the lifestyle of a small town in the tropics, regained my health, learnt about the local culture through a beautiful love story but I must confess, a small town only has so much to offer. The lack thereof of things to do, whether it be entertainment or educational, to the rather limited frame of mind to all conversational matter, started to impede my own capability to grow, to learn, to live. The same things that drew me to this town, its simplicity and quietness of life, are slowly driving me to boredom and to the verge of insanity as I spend most of my time in the latter months alone in my room, reading, learning and writing. There is only so much time one can be withdrawn from the society and stay sane. Coming from a full-time job and working since I was 13 years old, this kind of life is... way too laid-back for me! I needed mental stimulation and challenges. The fact that I could not get along so well with the local folks meant I had no friends in this town. My friends were in the big cities of Bolivia and abroad. I came to realize that my mental health was headed for a rapid decline and if I did not take action, I was flirting dangerously with depression!

Baby goat from Toro Toro

On the other hand, I cannot be happy with a man who restrains my freedom, whom, albeit against what he claims, consider me, through the use of subliminal messages, as a companion, but also as his belonging, as his cook, his dishwasher, his washing machine etc. No, I am more than that. My parents have taken huge risks and overcome tremendous difficulties in uprooting the family from Taiwan in order to come to Canada and have provided us, the offspring, of a better education, a wider perspective of the world and in the search of a better and improved life free of political persecution. But as the years go by, I have come to realize that we have also escaped the bindings of a conservative society with its unchanging age-old macho beliefs. We have successfully escaped the invisible yet very present handcuffs of a macho society, where women are of second importance and at times stripped of her human rights. Having seen the unfairness caused by an abuse of power, I had fought against machismo since reaching the age of reason and yet, was rendered almost submissive once I met one myself, here in Bolivia, but thankfully I have come to my senses before long. Bolivia, having a status of developing country, is characterized in Latin America as change-resistant due the influence of its major indigenous population and it is also known as a somewhat racist society amongst their own citizens, amongst Bolivians that is (indigenous, mestizos and "pure" white European descent). Although there is a small percentage of educated middle-class, these folks are not sheltered from the grip of cultural influence and traditions. The education, their upbringing and their entourage dictate certain behaviour as normal, namely machismo, thus it is nearly impossible to escape from it. Unless the new generation come to realize and is willing to make a plead to change… nothing is likely to change for years to come.      

Pujllay! (Traditional dress/dance)

Once the enchantments have faded following the first stages of infatuation, I slowly came to my senses faced to the never-ending grips of machismo had on a relationship and on the society. What I have yet to see is its role in the workplace… Perhaps I rather save myself from such oppression and discrimination. My inherent freedom as a female being, something I have come to take for granted for having grown up in North America, although it is a right, has come to feel like a privilege in this part of the world. Albeit always having known that, but living it, has given me a chance to taste the bitterness of deprived freedom. And to think that what I had lived is only breadcrumbs of the reality in this part of the world…

The world has so much to see, to taste, to experience and to live. The idea of being prohibited of a freedom, such as freedom of speech, association, job opportunity, respect in all aspects of society, in all honesty, a freedom any human being deserves and has the rights to, regardless of the gender, is unacceptable. Especially looking back at history, how much sufferance have women endured under the hands of power-tripping men thanks to their greed from the abuse of power, how much the previous generations of women have fought with their sweat, blood and life against their oppressors... they have not fought in vain but the fight is far from over. Many parts of the world is still far behind in terms of social development compared to what the western world has achieved, especially when it comes to gender equality.

Toddlers dancing to "Morenada"

Previously, I had come to appreciate the privileges of living a life with all the basics needs attained and more after my stay in Peru with my "peruvian mom" Irma, the most humble, amiable lower-class Peruvian woman who shared unconditionally her friendship and her home with me (see blog on Peru), by living in the poorest of conditions that I have ever experienced.

This time, I came to another eye-opener realization that we, those of us in the western society, take for granted, freedom.


The mere fact of knowing the existence of gender equality exists is not enough; one needs to live it to understand it, as well as live the lack thereof to fully grasp the its repercussions. Something that we take for granted back home, in this part of the world is a privilege or an unreachable dream. Knowledge is power they say, indeed it is. I lament for the women in this country, and in all countries where women still endure the cruelty engendered by machismo, because they, unlike us in the western world, can only "phantom" its existence and live a suppressed existence. In all honesty, sometimes the expression of machismo is not far from slavery camouflaged under pleasantries and beguilements.

Girl selling "salchipapa"

One thing that North American education has taught me is a strong sense of equality amongst human beings and the respect of human rights: that each human being has his/her rights and they ought to be respected by everyone, regardless of race, gender, rank or status. One can tolerate differences and ignorance with patience and equanimity while giving the benefit of the doubt and teach the unlearned through diplomatic and non-aggressive means of speech and reason. But most importantly, one must not be oppressed and admit defeat simply due to manipulation or an abuse of power. Unfortunately for many women, they have come to accept their oppressed conditions as an eventual fate. Time and time again, I have spoken to women whom shared their sorrows, anger, despair and eventual resignation of their fate for being a female in this society. It is a sad, worrisome and repugnant affair. Recalling my experience, I cannot help but wince at the thought that the condition is worst in Central America.

I feel extremely lucky to have grown up in Canada, and having seen and lived the kind of rights women have, something that a significant percentage of women in developing world or religiously oppressive regime, are still decades away from attaining. I will not be undermined nor be oppressed by machismo and will stand for my right to be a human being with my rights to freedom.

Nonetheless, as I reflect upon my experience 9 months later, it had been a beautiful romantic and rich cultural experience of Bolivia and its people as well as a trying yet strengthening emotional experience. We are conditioned by the environment we live in, thus I do not blame Gustavo for being the way he is, as he is the very byproduct of his society and his parents' upbringing. Love does not blind me, it does however weaken me. However, I had to take a decision to end my stay in Villa Tunari because what was once an intriguing place to discover and live, had become an incarceration for my mind and soul.

I had finally come to accept that it was time to come home and was mentally ready to end a planned one year trip which extended to 1 1/2 year due to "El Amor" :) With a flight ticket in hand, said my goodbyes, and am slowly making my way back home.

Home, sweet home, I am very much looking forward for it now. It is time to embrace my culture, my origins, my society and hug my family and friends!

Period of silence as I approach my one year mark

The weeks coming up to my one year mark of wandering were troublesome to me. I was perturbed and relentlessly bothered by an inner voice and an inner clock that ticks and is urging me to make a decision, and quick. All the events leading up to the restlessness come from various sources: parents, friends from home, my own perception of time, etc. Based on my nature and the habits I have developed over the years, I am not usually one that sits and contemplate the clock ticks by; the complete opposite of a loafer! I was able to justify it to myself to take a break from work for one year, especially since I have started working since I was 13 years old. However, the time has come and I still have no defined answer...

I have started to label myself as the lonely and weary wanderer. How incredible is that? I left home tired of the daily routine, of the mundane existence in order to search for spice, colour, music, new emotions in my life and broaden my horizon. I have found it, lived it, and slowly but surely got tired by it. I have reached a point where I can no longer stand the thought of sitting in a bus for over 8hrs... I dread it... and to think about how I actually enjoyed the 72+hrs ride from Nazca of Peru to Buenos Aires in Argentina last Christmas... I do not have the same spirit as I had at the time. I have a love and hate relationship with my backpack. It had been my best companion for over the past year but yet now I dread the time where I'd have to pick it up again. I no longer delight in the 3-4 days discovery of a city, but rather deeper relationships where one makes connections with another human being, getting to know the culture from within, hearing the joyful and sorrowful tales from those that live, share the laughter and tears, get a deeper grasp of the subtle differences between regions of the same country, learn to distinguish between the different accents, get a better grasp of how the judicial, legal bureaucratic system works, understand the social conducts, get a better grasp of the intercultural difference between South Americans and its associated preconceived stereotypes and prejudices and finally falling in love in Latin Americans.

My health has taken a toll as well with my share of dysentry, diarrhea, infection and the amount of antibiotics that I have taken in the past year thanks to my carelessness and adventurous attempts to try everything and anything... The amount of antibiotics that I have ingested is probably the same amount that I have taken over the course of my whole lifetime!!! This is a serious an affirmation, not an overstatement.

I am tired, I am scared that I have failed, my body's exhausted, I feel lonely, I'm lost more than ever! Yes I have accomplished so much and my Spanish is superb, but I am soooo tired! I need to put that knowledge that I have learnt towards something productive and settle down in ONE place and get some kind of routine to nurture my health, my spirit and soul back to health.

In this state of total unrest and restlessness, I reached out for help. Because, as much as I tried talking and reasoning with myself, I felt like I am hearing echos of my own voice so much I am wrapped in my own world...

I would like to thank the people who have provided me the right words and advices, at a crucial time in my life!!! Below I will share you their wise words with you, as I sense, it may apply to many more than me :)

I found solace and strength from these special words of my valuable friends from back home. Thank you for taking the time to and effort to share your wise words and experience, they have mitigated tremendously my state of unrest.

My dear friends have shared with me their wise words:

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"You are not alone in your state of unrest.

It is a change of seasons and though people may think it is complete bunk, it has an affect on the self. You are part of nature.

Relinquish your expectations of what this trip was to bring you. You may be surprised that you have attained them, but not in the way that you thought

Now onto your health. I suspect the pressure from your family is because they have not seen you for a year, they do not know what you have planned as time progresses and they know, from experience the value of time. Each moment cannot be captured. this is a concept that so much of us has forgotten. When you work that weekend, you are unable to gain that time again. Life is about choices. You can choose on thing and if you are not satisfied, choose another.

I think one of the successes of this last year has been your complete autonomy. You have depended on yourself in situations that no one else can imagine. You have confronted patterns and pre/conceived notions about what is happiness, how to live life, who is right, what s wrong. From working full-time, living at home and having a pretty structured environment, you went to the extreme. It is acceptable that your body is tired, your mind is confused, your emotions are stretched and you are even less sure of what you were before.

You are growing, changing, experiencing and living.

You are alive. You survived.

Make a decision, go with it. If it doesn't work out, make another decision. You are smart and healthy chica.

Maybe you need some time on your own, like a retreat. To write out your thoughts, to sleep for hours on end, to meditate, to eat healthy food.

The sun will set tonight and will rise tomorrow.

Know that you are loved.

Muchos besos,"
- Sam, an amazing friend who has been with me in spirit throughout my journey.

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"You're never lost. Your family and friends are close to you the moment you need them. And you're qualified better than anyone else who wants the same spot as you. Qualified, hard working people with experience are hard to find. Your current experience is valuable. I would rather hire you than you without what you've learned and lived.

What's a year? What's the clock ticking?


You got no reason to feel guilty for LIVING. Just keep your head.

You're not doing all this for nothing. On the contrary just keep your head. THat goes both ways. Follow your heart. But respect your mind.

You've always been pretty mind heavy. Me too but never as much as you!Safety belts and air bags and brakes, especially good steering is most important. At any speed. No brakes if possible. Then you don't need the seat belts & air bags. Miss you :) Thank god for technology and damn geography."

- Mike, a great friend working in the IT field. -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


"In my opinion, you are dealing with too much. I don't know how you can take on such huge life changing decisions when the timing doesn't seem to be right yet.  I don't think it's fair to give you that one year deadline to find your answer to life and I also don't believe that you must be abroad to find it... Though being abroad can help speed up the process and help you find inspiration more easily.  The thing is... It might take you years before you find your answer!  But right now, there needs to be some kinda time out for you.  A time out where you can let go of all your worries, where you can properly reflect on the past year, where you can rest, in a stable and safe environment.

Things have constantly been happening to you during the past year where you've been forced to constantly be on a high alert, whether it's to learn, maximize your experience, protect yourself from danger, find possible answers... Omg Jenny... That's incredibly exhausting.  I don't know how you manage to stay relatively sane!

So take a rest Jenny. Don't try to race against time.  I know you set a certain goal for yourself, but I hope you see too that things don't always happen the way we expect and so it's important to re adjust the goal."

- Tina, a close friend who has lived an abroad experience and has gone home and found her calling :)

 

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On another note, I have kept in contact with my Mexican family back in San Luis Potosi. The father of Pepe has wrote to me on my facebook wall. Here is what he said:

"Gracias Jenny, déjame te informo que Pepe junior ya se está recuperando, pues ya no bebe el mismo. Ya lo comprendió y ojalá siga así. Te lo digo de nuevo tu fuiste un apoyo para mi hijo que nunca te podré pagar, que séas feliz. te manda saludar mi esposa "tia Juanita" y dice que te quiere mucho igual yo. "


Dice mi mujer que te recuerda con mucho amor que llegaste a manera de un angel salvador de mi hijo.Dice mi mujer y yo que nunca perdamos el contacto ya que como te dije que eres muy especial para nosotros dice que recuerda tus palabras que le dijiste. Me voy niña bonita escribamonos màs seguido pero principalmente recuerda que aparte de amarte te extrañamos mucho. Cuidate"


Translation:
"Thank you Jenny, let me inform you that Pepe Junior is recuperating, he no longer drinks as much as in the past. He now understood and God willing continues this way. I repeat to you once again, you were such a support for my son in ways that I could never repay you, nevertheless I wish you happiness. My wife "aunt Juanita" sends you her greetings and says that she loves you much, same as me.

My wife says that she remembers you with a lot of love and that you had arrived in the way of a salvation angel for my son. She says that they will never loose contact with me and that you are very special for us and that she remembers the words you told her. I will be going for now but we will write more often but mainly want you to remember from our part that we love you and miss you much. Take care."


- Jose Cesar Morales Aguillon -
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After returning from Peru, I decided to finally rent a room in order to cook homey food, get a routine, rest and regain strength. Where else to do it best than in Villa Tunari, where my boyfriend was impatiently waiting for my return...

N.B. The pics of the insects are from my precious Villa Tunari :)